Monday, August 1, 2016

The Olympics are Coming


It's been a while, but I have not forgotten about you, nor have I forgotten about our shared interest – #olympicspandex. I am SO excited that the Rio games kick off this Friday, yet excited to enjoy them in my Zika-free home.

Want to know another thing that I am excited about? Our little blog remains the NUMBER 1 search result for "Olympic spandex" on Google. I feel like I've won the gold medal in the SEO Olympics!

Anyway, let's get back to the matter at hand! The opening ceremony for Rio 2016, or, the Games of the XXXI Olympiad, are a mere 4 days away, and Ralph Lauren has gifted us with the least offensive national kit in recent history. Sure, they will look like they are students at some elite Olympics Boarding School, but gone are the unfortunate and ridicule-inducing hats. (As I've said MANY times before, we really aren't a hat-wearing nation.) Also, you know I'm obsessed with the (admittedly kind of tacky yet truly amazing) light-up flag bearer blazer.

Images courtesy of Ralph Lauren, via NBC Olympics

Lest we go without SOME controversy, the internet has noticed a striking similarity between these outfits and the Russian flag.

It seems that for once, we might not be the most embarrassing team in the Parade of Nations. Georgia's outfits have been likened to erasers, and more than 6,000 people have signed a petition against using them. LOL.

Image by Instagram user RAMBODJAVAN1, via

While Ralph Lauren has us covered for the opening and closing ceremonies, Nike is taking care of podium wear and a number of team uniforms:

John Lamparski / Getty via SELF

YAWN. These athletes look about as excited to wear these uniforms as I am to look them.

Meanwhile, Under Armor has done us a solid and the Team USA Women's Gymnastics leotards are KILLER!!!

I can die happy because these leotards exist in the world.

Keep checking back this week for more #olympicspandex news leading up to the Opening Ceremony on Friday!

Friday, February 14, 2014

The Competitive Fashions of Curling

I was planning on writing a hard-hitting piece on curling fashion here, but then it hit me: In comparison to the Norwegians, all the other curling teams look like they are going grocery shopping on a Sunday morning.

United States
I know that I am always pushing for more red in our national attire, but blaaaaaaaaaah. They even look bored WEARING this.

Seriously. Stopping at the store on the way home from the country club.

Ok, we're getting a little better. Some graphic interest. I would expect at least as much from a curling nation such as Canada.

Longtime readers will recall that I was a big fan of this Russian print that was also used during the 2012 London Olympics. Still a fan, and I appreciate that they are learning from the Norwegians.



Even our buddies Matt Lauer and Al Roker over at the Today Show got in on the Norwegian curling fashion fun:

That Time Visa Convinced Me Ski Jumping Was My New Favorite Sport

I admit to often being a slave to marketing. Generally this takes the form of buying any mascara that claims to make my lashes look big and fake. This week it took the more cost-effective route of inspiring a fascination of and love affair with ski jumping.

Here's the Visa commercial:

First of all, how fitting that during these Games being held in Russia my new favorite sport would evoke memories of Rocky and Bullwinkle, or rather, Moose and Squirrel:

It's really no surprise that I am so taken with ski jumping. Flying is awesome, and they do it in spandex. There is nothing not to love here. Let's take a look at some of the best and worst in ski jumping fashion, shall we?

Peter Prevc, SLO
My favorite suit by far comes all the way from Slovenia. This is absolutely Tron-tastic. The stark white against the dark black... Thrilling. And the contrasting arm is a special touch unmatched by any other nation. While I have found that ski jumping suits tend to be solid in color, this is an appreciated pop of excitement.

Daniela Iraschko-Stolz, AUT
Women's ski jumping is an Olympic first in Sochi, and I hope that this suit from Austria is not an Olympic last. This highlighter yellow number glowed magnificently against the white snow. With so many people all over the Olympic Village, you're sure not to miss Daniela or any other Austrian ski jumper.

Noriaki Kasai, JPN
So much love for this high flying race car-inspired number from Japan.

Lindsey Van, USA
The USA is so hit or miss sometimes. While I dig this pleather-like look in front, that cobalt blue is really the standout of this piece. Note for next time: invert those colors. A snazzier helmet would have scored additional points as well.

Maciej Kot, Kamil Stoch, and Jan Ziobro, POL
I guess I'm just confused as to why three Polish dudes have drastically different attire? Perhaps these suits are all personal fashion decisions? This could explain why very few overall have little, if any, nods to national color schemes.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Johnny Weir is the Biggest Fashion News Out of Sochi

I have mentioned before the difficulty I have with other news outlets living inside my brain. Being a one spandex-clad woman blogging operation, sometimes I don't get things in writing as quickly as I am thinking them. Thus, many have beaten me to the "Johnny Weir Sochi fashion" punch.

JDub is truly owning the Olympics. His commentary never fails to amuse (on Canadian ice dancer Tessa Virtue's dress he said Sunday, "I love that she's wearing a costume inspired by Russian royalty, and a little bit of Faberge"), and his outfits have been OFF THE CHARTS AMAZING.

Your first course of action at this point should be to immediately follow him on the 'gram. He's been posting semi-daily fashion selfies. Your welcome.

And if you need more, here is a round-up of suggested reading on JDub's 2014 Olympic wear:

Friday, February 7, 2014

Olympics Day 0 Brings 1000 Things to Discuss

I have to admit that I'm confused by Day 0 of the Olympics. When people ask me why competition starts prior to the Opening Ceremonies I respond confidently that there is just too much to fit in. People tend to believe me because I have positioned myself as an expert on most things Olympic, but I'm pretty sure I made that up. Regardless, we got an extra day of spandex and I am here to break it all down for you.

Figure Skating Team Event: Men's and Pairs

Unapologetic chest exposure, and fancy couples costumes

Figure skating is truly the golden sport when it comes to wintertime Olympic spandex. With the introduction of the team event, there are even MORE outfits to be worn, and this fills our cold, judgmental heart with pure joy.

We've much to discuss, so let's not waste any more time. A trend among the men's skaters last night was a blatant open chest. Is it a sweat issue? I imagine that this would come into play to some extent, and I guess the women do tend to wear significantly less... Thoughts to ponder.

Yevgeny Plushenko, RUS
As previously mentioned, four-time Olympian Yevgeny Plushenko (the internet cannot decide how to spell his name - we have also seen Evgeni, and some assorted spellings of his last name, but plan to stick with the above spelling because it makes pronunciation sense) was instrumental in bringing Russia into first place in the team event.  I'm so concerned about this outfit, though. Was he attacked by a giant, Russian bear?! Is he planning a Janet Jackson-esque wardrobe malfunction?! And most importantly, why can I still see your chest hair? These pressing questions aside, the outfit worked (thought that bit of white on the tips of the arms feels unnecessary). I particularly appreciate the use of rhinestones and general glitter.

Yakov Gordorozha, UKR
I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations here, but is chest exposure an Eastern European thing? This look feels reminiscent of one of Johnny Weir's 2010 outfits, but with more chest. I don't hate it, I'm just saying I've seen it before.

Yan Han, CHN
Was his outfit commissioned to the same folks building the hotels in Sochi and why it is possibly unfinished? I am legitimately concerned about an Olympic nip-slip because there seems to be little or no lining under that sheer black piece. That said, what is missing from this photo and evident in others is the intricate rhinestone work, particularly around the neck. We'll hand it to you, Han - this is a good looking outfit.

Patrick Chan, CAN
I mean, all I can do is look straight down his shirt. I also hope that for the actual men's competition he has something more exciting to bring to the table. Or, ice. I'm bored.

Maxim Trankov and Tatiana Volosozhar, RUS
Holy Cinderella! Am I in a hybrid Disney and Olympic dream?! I really love this, but I admit I was disappointed that their choice of music was less than fairy tale-like.

Stefania Berton and Ondrej Hotarek, ITA
Belle, since when are you shacking up with a taxi driver? This Italian pairs team has continued somewhat with the Disney on Ice theme, but then something got lost...

Marissa Castelli and Simon Shnapir, USA
I imagine this to be the most fabulous of jazz numbers. I went out last night, though, so I haven't caught up on all the action. But THIS is how black should be worn.

Maylin Wende and Daniel Wende, GER
You would not expect something this lovely out of Germany after seeing their Opening Ceremonies hodgepodge of fashions. But the detail on that dress is exquisite and she looks like a true ice queen (but like, in a positive way - not that she's cold and mean). This might just be that I deal in font colors all day, but I don't think his shirt matches. I'm probably the only one who noticed, though...

Julia Lavrentieva and Yuri Rudyk, UKR
THIS IS HOW YOU DO CUT OUTS! I have zero clues what is happening in this photo, or how this black goes with this neon green, but I am all about it and want to wear it out this weekend.

For more pics from last night's Team Figure Skating events, check out USA Today Sports. That's all for now, as I need to get ready for our Opening Ceremonies BASH tonight. I admit that I have already live streamed some of the show, and it is INSANE. You can certainly find clips all over the internet, but hopefully you have a party nearly as amazing as ours to attend.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

I Need to Remind the Internet That This Happened

With Yevgeny Plushenko taking Russia into the lead in today's Team Figure Skating events, I just want to remind the internet, and everyone, of this:

Those hips, that muscle tank, and then he takes his pants off...  I'm keeping an eye out for this one in Sochi.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Suggested Viewing for the Next 6 Days

To get you in that Olympic spirit, here are some films you might consider watching:

Cool Runnings: One of my all-time favorite movies and the best (maybe only) big screen bobsledding around.  Based on the true story of the first Jamaican bobsled team trying to make it to the winter Olympics.

Miracle: Miracle tells the true story of Herb Brooks (Russell), the player-turned-coach who led the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team to victory over the seemingly invincible Russian squad.

The Cutting Edge: She's a rich and refined pairs figure skater whose prima donna attitude has her skating solo. He's a brash, blue-collar hockey champion with a new injury and no future. With nothing in common but their dream of reaching the Olympics, Kate and Doug are each other's last resort. Reluctantly, they join forces, but its not long before the barbs – and sparks – start flying as the unlikely pair skate towards the opportunity of a lifetime: a chance at a medal...and a chance at love.

Be sure to catch all the Cutting Edge sequels as well: Going for the Gold, Chasing the Dream, and Fire & Ice.