Friday, February 7, 2014

Olympics Day 0 Brings 1000 Things to Discuss

I have to admit that I'm confused by Day 0 of the Olympics. When people ask me why competition starts prior to the Opening Ceremonies I respond confidently that there is just too much to fit in. People tend to believe me because I have positioned myself as an expert on most things Olympic, but I'm pretty sure I made that up. Regardless, we got an extra day of spandex and I am here to break it all down for you.

Figure Skating Team Event: Men's and Pairs

Unapologetic chest exposure, and fancy couples costumes

Figure skating is truly the golden sport when it comes to wintertime Olympic spandex. With the introduction of the team event, there are even MORE outfits to be worn, and this fills our cold, judgmental heart with pure joy.

We've much to discuss, so let's not waste any more time. A trend among the men's skaters last night was a blatant open chest. Is it a sweat issue? I imagine that this would come into play to some extent, and I guess the women do tend to wear significantly less... Thoughts to ponder.


Yevgeny Plushenko, RUS
As previously mentioned, four-time Olympian Yevgeny Plushenko (the internet cannot decide how to spell his name - we have also seen Evgeni, and some assorted spellings of his last name, but plan to stick with the above spelling because it makes pronunciation sense) was instrumental in bringing Russia into first place in the team event.  I'm so concerned about this outfit, though. Was he attacked by a giant, Russian bear?! Is he planning a Janet Jackson-esque wardrobe malfunction?! And most importantly, why can I still see your chest hair? These pressing questions aside, the outfit worked (thought that bit of white on the tips of the arms feels unnecessary). I particularly appreciate the use of rhinestones and general glitter.


Yakov Gordorozha, UKR
I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations here, but is chest exposure an Eastern European thing? This look feels reminiscent of one of Johnny Weir's 2010 outfits, but with more chest. I don't hate it, I'm just saying I've seen it before.


Yan Han, CHN
Was his outfit commissioned to the same folks building the hotels in Sochi and why it is possibly unfinished? I am legitimately concerned about an Olympic nip-slip because there seems to be little or no lining under that sheer black piece. That said, what is missing from this photo and evident in others is the intricate rhinestone work, particularly around the neck. We'll hand it to you, Han - this is a good looking outfit.


Patrick Chan, CAN
I mean, all I can do is look straight down his shirt. I also hope that for the actual men's competition he has something more exciting to bring to the table. Or, ice. I'm bored.


Maxim Trankov and Tatiana Volosozhar, RUS
Holy Cinderella! Am I in a hybrid Disney and Olympic dream?! I really love this, but I admit I was disappointed that their choice of music was less than fairy tale-like.


Stefania Berton and Ondrej Hotarek, ITA
Belle, since when are you shacking up with a taxi driver? This Italian pairs team has continued somewhat with the Disney on Ice theme, but then something got lost...


Marissa Castelli and Simon Shnapir, USA
I imagine this to be the most fabulous of jazz numbers. I went out last night, though, so I haven't caught up on all the action. But THIS is how black should be worn.


Maylin Wende and Daniel Wende, GER
You would not expect something this lovely out of Germany after seeing their Opening Ceremonies hodgepodge of fashions. But the detail on that dress is exquisite and she looks like a true ice queen (but like, in a positive way - not that she's cold and mean). This might just be that I deal in font colors all day, but I don't think his shirt matches. I'm probably the only one who noticed, though...


Julia Lavrentieva and Yuri Rudyk, UKR
THIS IS HOW YOU DO CUT OUTS! I have zero clues what is happening in this photo, or how this black goes with this neon green, but I am all about it and want to wear it out this weekend.

For more pics from last night's Team Figure Skating events, check out USA Today Sports. That's all for now, as I need to get ready for our Opening Ceremonies BASH tonight. I admit that I have already live streamed some of the show, and it is INSANE. You can certainly find clips all over the internet, but hopefully you have a party nearly as amazing as ours to attend.

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